my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
