Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
