I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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