had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
