She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
