Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
