I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
foreskin is a definite game changer
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
