Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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