this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
