so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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