I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
