at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
