tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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