she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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