May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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