I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
