The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize