My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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