whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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