i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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