Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
