Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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