that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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