Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
