my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize