i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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