Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
