On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
