He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
