I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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