I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
