Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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