I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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