I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it glows. i had to have it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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