Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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