I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
