There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
