I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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