i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize