Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
