I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
