Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
