I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
