I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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