You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
