In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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