i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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