I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This is classic penis vs brain.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
