fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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