Your face is a jimmy john
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
