I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We got so high we made milksteak
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
