Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
