loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
