I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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