I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
