she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
