I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize