? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
one might say we're banned from that church
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
