i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
