I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
