girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
