it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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