told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
