I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The air was thick with penises
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
