You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
