well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
