i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
