I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just come out here and I will go home with you...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
