How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
