girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
