hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
